I Knew You Were Trouble

Do you ever find yourself idly passing time on the interweb by flicking from site to site finding things to read? I often do, usually among the news sites, many of which have a ‘funnies’ section which is usually good for some entertainment. One of my favourite sites is the BBC, which is very comprehensive. Yesterday, I found this little gem on there:


Click to enlarge

Clearly this is a man with previous: I’ve never heard of a 45 game ban before. But 50 years?! Without wanting to offend anyone, what most surprises me about this is that it happened in Switzerland, a country which has a reputation for being…er…not to put too fine a point on it…a little bit dull and unemotional. Maybe the Swiss will now be closing their borders to Portuguese immigrants who, if this guy is any example, are bringing mass destruction to the otherwise precise existence they usually enjoy. This is, after all, the country renowned for its cheese with holes in it, yodelling, alpine horns, leather shorts, cuckoo clocks, makers of expensive timepieces and the Sound Of Music. Oh, and triangular chocolate available at petrol stations for that ‘I remembered after the shops were shut’ gift. But the lawyer for the football league says they get this about once a year. Does he mean that Ricardo is a serial offender or is there a steady infiltration of dangerous overseas players aimed at destroying Swiss football? But let’s face it, if England can win 2-0 over there that already seems to have happened!

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t advocate any kind of violence anywhere, whether on a football pitch or not, but this punishment does seem a little excessive. Perhaps we aren’t getting the whole story: did the water not come out of  a bottle but was in fact Ricardo’s own natural supply, if you get my meaning? Now that would be a story! I love the deadpan humour behind the final sentence in the report, but who knows? By the time he is 78 average life expectancy will probably be about 150 years, and the retirement age about 130, so this may just be a brief hiatus for Ricardo. That should give him an incentive to stay fit and keep himself ready for his return to the sport he loves! So, Ricardo, my message to you is to keep in mind the immortal words of the great Monty Python: Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life. Either that or change your name and take up something more suited to your skills – bodyguard, nightclub bouncer, kickboxer….

[A brief footnote: I’ve included the BBC among my tags for this post. I imagine that will leave a few disappointed when they realise this is nothing to do with movies of a certain type. Sorry, guys!]


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