The Walking Braindead

I wrote last year about what we get in the contents of our spam folder – in Trolled if you want to look it up. I took that one fairly seriously, as I found it offensive, but a couple of more recent ones have amused me, and I thought they might do the same for you. If you don’t check your spam folder regularly I can recommend it, especially if you feel the need to see lots of long posts in Cyrillic writing – I really should learn to read those! Or maybe you want a few dodgy links to click for dubious medical products offering to improve a certain element of your life – “nudge nudge, wink wink.” But amongst all the weird and wonderful dross there is the odd one which raises a smile (without the need for chemical inducements).

This first one dates back a couple of months. I shared it at the time on the Facebook page for my blog (you have ‘liked’ the page, haven’t you?!) but it didn’t seem worthy of a full post on its own. See what you think:

I often get repeats of spam comments, usually just with variations in the name, email address and ‘links that will not be clicked.’ That one is no exception, and I’ve received the same comment many times since then from other people concerned for my health and safety. It’s an interesting idea, but somehow I’m not sure that Mr Plod would accept it as an excuse: “l’m terribly sorry, officer, but I have been advised that wearing a seatbelt could cause me problems if I needed to vacate the car in a hurry, as I suffer from extreme incontinence and can’t swim.” The odd thing about that comment, which I consigned to the virtual waste bin as soon as I’d taken a screenshot, is that it doesn’t contain any links to click. I’d have thought they could have offered some of the porn sites that might have been of interest to Trump while he was waiting for Mueller to ask him about the Pee-Pee Tape. They’ve really missed a trick there.

Yesterday I had some comments in response to Sunday’s post about Christmas. Here’s the screenshot:

My apologies that it is rather large, but it just didn’t seem to be clear if I made it smaller. The second comment is pretty standard, and the product to which it links seems to be some kind of dietary supplement – you’ve no doubt seen them before, offering unproven weight loss methods to the gullible and desperate. I didn’t click on the link, by the way – checking things like that is what Google is for. It was the first comment which struck me: read it and you’ll see why. Interestingly, it also seems to be linking to a dodgy dieting site – the clue is in the name – but I didn’t bother Googling it.

The three people who had at that point replied to the post to which that first comment links will no doubt be thrilled at the description of them as ‘brain dead!’ They are all published authors, to begin with. All of their comments are intelligent and relate to what I said in the post – which is more than can be said of ‘!’ Obviously, I’m thrilled to know that my writing is so passionate that ‘kaile’ was moved to comment – again, apparently, no chemical inducements were required to effect this movement. But please, ‘kaile,’ take a look at what you’re doing before accusing others of suffering from the same ailment as you. Both comments related to the first image in the post, not the post itself – which was titled Dare I Mention The C Word? not ‘Christmas Is Coming.’ That was one of the things which got me thinking that ‘kaile’ might actually be a bot, not a genuine living person. Do you think that’s possible? If so, I’m heartbroken at the thought that my new friend might not be real, and might even be one of those robots that featured in a late night Channel 4 documentary last week – I don’t need to paint a fuller picture, do I? But how could this be? Then again, maybe she (I’ve convinced myself that she is female – don’t judge me) actually was real and enjoyed my writing so much: I was flattered by her suggestion that she would like to read my writing on other sites but, sadly, no one else would want me! And she also wants a complete list of all of my online persona – I’m beginning to think I could be in here. But, hang on, there are clearly visible links on my blog site to my Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and my long-ignored Pinterest sites, and a big link to my new Facebook page for this blog (you have ‘liked’ it, haven’t you – oh, wait, I’ve already done that, sorry!). You’d have to be brain dead not to see them, really.

So, sadly, my dearest ‘kaile’ it appears that any relationship we might have had is doomed before it even begins to achieve liftoff. Truth be told, I really do prefer my friends to have a live brain, and you might not be a bot that I’d be attracted to. So for now I guess it’s back to the junk folder of my email account – at least some of them send me pictures, and sometimes there’s a bot on view 😉