Art, Poetry and Smut!

Back in the Dark Ages I studied English Literature and the History of Art at UEA (officially the University of East Anglia, aka the University of Easy Academics). I thought it might be an idea to combine these two interests into a brief article so, with my evidently cultural background, there could only be one way to do this: mucky limericks!

The limerick as an art form is believed to have been invented around 400BC by the Ancient Greeks, but was made popular in latter-day form in the 19th century, with Edward Lear at the forefront. To the 21st century eye these now look very tame, and his habit of almost repeating his first line as his last looks like a cop out! I’m hopeless at remembering jokes, poems or pretty much anything else, but one limerick with an art theme has remained with me since I was first told it by one of the lecturers all those years ago:

While Titian was mixing rose madder,

His model had climbed up the ladder.

Her position, to Titian,

Suggested coition,

So he shinned up the ladder and ‘ad her!


I figured that there must be plenty of others in this vein so started some research. My, there are a lot of dirty minds out there! I said at the beginning of the month that I wanted to amuse and entertain you, so I thought I’d share a few of these in the hope they make you smile. Try this one, for a touch of class:

 Regardez-vous Toulouse Lautrec,

Though at first glance an ambulant wreck,

He could bonk once a week

A la maniere antique

And now and then a la Grecque.


Or maybe, lowering the tone a little:

 The cross-eyed old artist, MacNeff,

Was colour-blind, stupid and deaf.

When he asked to be touted

The critics all shouted:

“This is art, with a capital F!”


What I like about all of these is that they are suggestive but without needing to use words I wouldn’t want to write in my blog! I found many that used a variety of words for bodily parts, functions and actions, often as part of the rhyme, but you’ll have to find those for yourself! This one sums this up perfectly:

 A poet, whose verses inclined

To the rude and the randy, opined:

“Abusing my muse

Is not what I choose,

But I do have the filthiest mind!”


And I leave you for today with a final one, which amuses me by its use of language:

 Far removed from the girls of Pirelli

Are the ladies of S Botticelli.

They have porcelain skin

And a pert little chin,

With erogenous botti and belli!

Have a good day!