Continuing my theme for this week of posts on mental health, I’m turning my attention to the stigma that society attaches to mental illnesses and those who suffer from them. To illustrate this point,  I suffered this in a relatively modest way last year and am sharing this story with you.

I lost a friend. Nothing major in the great scheme of life, it happens all the time. But not as a result of someone’s ignorance. Briefly, I had been due to attend this friend’s annual house party weekend, but a family event was arranged for the same weekend and, given the distances involved, it wasn’t possible to do both. I decided, as I think most of us would do, to put family first and gave my apologies. Things were strained for a month or two until the weekend of the event itself, when I was treated to the worst that modern day friendships can bring: yes, I was unfriended and blocked on Facebook, thrown out of the WhatsApp group, and unfollowed and blocked on every social media platform through which we were connected. I was later told by another friend that my reason for absence had not been believed, coming as it did after my having to drop out of a previous gathering earlier last year due to illness. It was deemed by She Who Knew Everything that my real reason for not attending either event was that I was a depressive and was making excuses for not being able to attend these events. Firstly, that was untrue. Secondly, what qualifications did she have to make that judgement? Thirdly, how dare anyone judge someone on this basis, and choose to end a friendship as a result? And fourthly, even if she had been correct in her assumption, wouldn’t a true friend have attempted to help, rather than act the way she did? Sadly, a few of the others from our circle of friends chose to follow her lead – which my other friend described as ‘bullying.’

I’m telling you this not as a way of avenging what I feel as having been wronged – I wouldn’t use my blog for that, it’s too petty, and if anything were to be said it should be in private – but because what my ex-friend was doing was stigmatising people who have at some point suffered from a mental illness. Having suffered the debilitating effects of depression, people don’t need to be judged as being in some way inferior by those who don’t know any better. The fact that some others followed her approach speaks volumes for how entrenched such ignorance is in our society.

Let’s take another example. On Monday I reblogged a post from three years ago about the crass stupidity of Asda and Tesco in selling ‘mental health patient’ costumes for Halloween. I’ve since looked at their websites and am pleased to see that this year’s offerings don’t include anything so offensive. Sadly, though, such behaviour does still exist. It didn’t take me long in searching through the online fancy dress specialists to find similar examples still being offered for sale. This, for example:


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Or maybe this:


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What can possibly be funny, entertaining, or appropriate for public display about mocking an illness which causes so much damage and hurt, both to those who suffer from it and to those who love and care for them? Again, I see this as being caused by ignorance and the ease with which mental illness is stigmatised by society. Would someone think it right to offer a ‘cancer patient’ costume? Maybe, but they would very soon be told how offensive they were being. Partypackage Ltd and Wonderlandparty – consider yourselves named and shamed. When, if ever, are you likely to enter civilised society?

Is there an answer to this? In one word, the answer is ‘education.’ Better education, from an early age, about the effects of mental illness, its causes and treatments, and a basic sense of human decency and courtesy in dealing with sufferers, will of course help to improve the situation. But it is facile to say this and expect it somehow to happen by some process of osmosis. This will take a huge amount of time, effort and resources to encourage people out of behaviours which have been developed over centuries. Here in the UK funding – as I showed yesterday – is being diverted away from mental health treatments, so it would be naive in the extreme to expect an enormous amount of money to be found for the education programme which is so badly needed. The fact that a candidate for the US presidency can go public with mockery of people with disabilities – and people defend him – suggests that this isn’t only an issue in my country, either.

Many organisations are involved in providing education around mental health issues. But they rely largely on donations, and are not as far as I’m aware in receipt of Government funding – if I’m wrong in that I’d be happy to put the record straight! Even so, resources are limited: there would still be many who would not be reached by such a message or are too entrenched in their views and prejudices to want to hear it.

Can I do anything about this? Can you? It’s very easy to assume that being little people inside a vast machine means that we can’t help. But we can. Take some time to learn more about this. Visit websites like the Mental Health Foundation or Time To Change and see what others are saying about their experiences. If you’re in the US you can click on the logo at the top of this site to get to the Stand Up site. Then share this knowledge with friends and family. As the saying goes, ‘great oaks from little acorns grow’ and we can all do our bit to increase awareness. After all, one in four of us is affected by a mental health problem at some point in our life, so it may be closer to home than you might think!

23 thoughts on “Stigma

  1. Reblogged this on Take It Easy and commented:

    This one came up in my Timehop this morning, and as it was from three years ago – when most of you weren’t following my blog – I thought it worth sharing again. There are several reasons for doing so. Firstly, and most importantly, mental health issues are why I started to blog in the first place, although more recent followers could be forgiven for not noticing that – I do tend to wander off piste a lot! Secondly, this post was about the stigma that many attach to mental health problems: that was true then and, despite a growing awareness of the issues, I think that stigmatisation is still there and will take a long time before – or even if – it is eradicated. Thirdly, the timing of the post. As I said back then, I was running a series of posts on mental health in the run up to World Mental Health Day. This happens on 10 October and I’m intending to post for it nearer the time: this is kind of a trailer for that. And fourthly, there is a link in the original piece to the previous day’s post, Mental Health Matters, which has become my most ‘liked’ post ever, and is a very important one for me.

    Two personal updates to round off this commentary. Firstly, my friend and I have reconnected – although the others who deserted me in her wake haven’t. That’s life, I guess! If she sees this, I hope she can forgive me for using our story – as I said in the original, I was doing that to illustrate the point about stigmatisation of mental illness, not out of any wish for some kind of petty revenge. I didn’t want that at the time, and certainly don’t now! Secondly, the family member for whom the occasion I attended was arranged is, sadly, no longer with us. I’m reposting, in part, as a mark of respect.


  2. Great post, Clive. We need more people to speak up about the stigma of mental illness. I’m so sorry your friend wasn’t much of a friend, but having her out of your life might be a good thing…who needs people like that anyway?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Blimey, how did she manage to pass the friend test in the first place?! How hurtful and spiteful. Glad you’re able to see her for who she really is and turn the story into a learning experience for everyone else. As you say, education is the key, but it has to begin in childhood.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Clive, I would go so far as to say this person was never truly a friend. As you said, if she believed that it was possible you were not attending due to depression and she was a friend, that should have led to concern for you, not annoyance that you weren’t coming to her party. You are well rid of her and those who support her.

    On another note one organization here in the States that does a lot of education. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) an organization that is a collaboration of Family, Friends, and those who have experienced this themselves. Many chapters are very active and do an excellent job…as you are doing with your blog! This is an issue that deserves attention. Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Jo, kind words and support are much appreciated! That’s exactly how I feel about my ex-friend: I have no place in my life for people who behave like that. It’s good to know that there are caring organisations there too – we don’t see or hear very much about that in our media.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Posts of Note – Week 24 – A Kinder Way

  6. Thank you for sharing, and helping to end the stigma. I’m also a mental health advocate. My daughter and I both suffered from panic attacks. We’re panic free now, and I want others to know there is help available and they’re not alone. I’m in the US, and it’s true what you said, that the problem of stigma is world wide. It’s nice to connect with you! I look forward to your posts. Take care, Jenny

    Liked by 1 person

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